tt day when i had the last hug ......he asked me ....who's the one he placed first when we were tgt for the first 1.half year.....it was me....i know and i will nv forget but i was really touched tt he did and i really regret..but i really did love u from the start we were tgt.....he even knew i watched too much drama when i said ( love isnt abt the outcome its abt the process ) whatever i say he knows me too well and he will use examples to explain which is irritating but somehow i find him interesting....
dear alvin..though u will nv get to see this.....i really love being with you because you're simple though u may be playful but when u were serious with me...the life we had is just not luxurious or perfect but being poor tgt its happy,simple and hen xin fu de yi hui shi....mb somethings we just have to give up.......do you really wanna let go of this..though u are already now..but :'(...
its day 2 of ur camp...and i haven heard from u ..but lucky u contacted ur friends instead..at least i'm not so worried now :) maybe u just wanna avoid me....hmmph...thinking of you every sec ..i dk why......XOXO
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
2:37 PM
The night before he went army ....i had lots to tell him...we went to Bbox and next thing went home..but i really wish to say everything before he go in as things might change and i dont wanna regret not saying....i went home to get the goggles and went all the way to his hse as an excuse to pass him tt...but it was actually to see him and wanna talk to him....but i dk why WHY WHY whenever i see him or when he starts talking ( wo shuo bu chu kou) than he will start shouting...so what happened was...he flag many cabs but i didnt wanna leave yet....i cried.....yeah (F myself for crying so easily....i hate myself i cant act strong and not cry for once !!! )i always ask the same question and he always reply and repeat agn...i guess he's tired so am i ...but at least there was a chance he explained....he keep telling me i keep wanna change and i didnt....yes i admit...abt the sensitvie and silly things..but i'm trying really trying hard..but mb when i get hurt i expressed it tt way ......i regret for doing and sending him those sms because mb if i didnt we wld be tgt...i asked if he has feelings he said he dont wanna ans..later he said NO...den later say have is have but because i haven changed....if u dont love me just say so ....!!!.he keep telling me his curretn gf is play one so why i doing all this...he says agn he can break with her if i want to and all...but i know it wont help ease my pain...even though its playing i wld stil feel hurt and all....last night fianlly most of all things came out..even abt those overseas gals he was with..all the happy times after we broke up too...sometimes i dk if to believe him as u know i know his pattern really well..but i still chose to believe agn.....its a good time i give up because i know even though he says the future he doesnt know if we wld be tgt...i feel there isnt..but what he says i feel there's hope....i think i just let things be....i still will be there fore him when he need me...hopefully i wld change..i know this is the thousand times...but i'm happy he talked because sometimes he just keep quiet....i asked for a last hug....but i dk why he didnt return it.....the feeling was great but it wld be better if he embraces his arms ard my waist too....after tt he farted agn and i started to laugh agn.....actually still got lots to say ..but i already tired and words just cld not come out....and therefore we bid goodbye.....i really cant bear and i really miss him alot alot...but i cant do anything about it....just wish him safe and sound.....i really love you ,alvin....still hoping we wld be tgt someday agn.....(10.09.09) day 1 he's in army..
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
1:10 PM
hopefully i still can hang on.....during these 3 days of chalet....actually to admit....i did not really enjoy myself....because the feeling was horrible and it was really very painful....i rmb even when we broke up ...u wld be close to me ...but mb because sometimes ...i'm the only gal there....i believed u had feelings for me during tt few months but now i dont even think so .. i guess u dont anymore .....there;s sth u might deny....actually all these while....i 've realised who u actually really love/like.....i dont think i have the need to spell out her name....u used to say i've oversensitive ..yes i am ....but if u talk to her all tt its alright...but during the chalet u kept disturbing her....flirting with her....i was totally transparent....my pressence was not impt.....i've thought i cld take it but i cld no longer take it at one pt.....mb u were enjoying urself too much tt u didnt even noticed..i came to the chalet to spend more time...though i know i might cry and all ...i didnt wanna spoil the mood....but i over estimate my tolerance....during the first night only i had a lil really close time with u....though i was helping u scratch ur back....put the shirt on for you ...feed you .....i felt happy....but its just tt moment....the rest of the time u treated me coldly....i love you too much till the extent i know everything about you and feel you feel....i know you are happy being close with her.....but u feel tt there isnt any chance between you and her as ur friends like her too...and moreover u 're going NS.....u feel that u wana be with her but u cant.....tts what i feel ....if its wrong than its my bad....i;ve been wanting to ask u to let me send u off to ns...but now i doubt i have the courage too ..because i think i will get rejected agn....probably u dont have feelings for me....u dont have to care abt how i felt...and how sad i was during these 3 days....seeing u happy i should learn to be happy.....anyways...if i cant send you off in ns..its alright..i just wish u to be safe and sound inside.....endure every hardship ....eat and slp well inside....hopefully u wld be a better person instead of worst....u get influence easily....so much i wanna tell u ..if u have anything u can find me...call me...and all...but i doubt u wld like in the past because i'm already out of ur life......but still i will be waiting and be there when u need me...though i might try to move on but still waiting....i dk ....i really dont...because i'm tired....so much i did and i get nth in return ..but love is like this....its just one sided...i cant force anything out from you .....take care...
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
12:20 PM
