"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
12:15 AM
12:15 AM
Saturday, August 22, 2009
hmm it has been quite awhile since i've blogged here .....its like a week since i saw and contacted him :D......but deep down its really horrible.....anyways...after hearing from fabian ..i felt much better.....fabian said he think alvin still got feelings but dk what to do ...at the same point playing with his current gf.... but as u can see it might not be true...because i myself feel alvin doesnt love me anymore...secondly though he's palying with the gf,he sure have feelings right.....i mean it hurts to see ur loved one bring with another one.... but now i jsut wish to study ......2 papers left.....when my holidays come i wish i cld accomapny u whenever u are free..but i doubt u will ask me.....i wish i cld do so much more for you .but of course i cant knowing u have a gf now....it would be evil to do so u know : missing you and just wanna spend time tgt...like nights at ur grandma's place......even though we are not tgt.....hmmph....
Thursday, August 13, 2009
if i would lose my memory someday .....i would wan to rmb him as
he's very nice at times....
he's very funny though his jokes dont seemed to be funny...
he 's so charming when he sings with constipated expressions....
he farts alot esp when he wakes up
he 's cutest moment is when he just wakes up ....( just like tt hamster)
he can eat alot like a PIG...
oh yeah and he LOVES SLEEPING !!!!
he looks adorable in photos ...funny when he does retarded faces :)
he loves to disturb ppl....
he loves children and playes with them (esp teaches them to dig nose :) cute )
when he's serious he looks & sounds mature but he;s not =X
he's quite strong to piggy back ppl..
he's v sweet when he gets sth for u ...
he's so lovable when he hugs u out of no where.( misses)
he's a great kisser....horny too :X
he lives simple
he's great because he dont use the com esp DOTA..
there;s more but i have to stop ....
i just wish to rmb him this way .....not all the bad parts of him :(...
he;s just the type of guy i would wanna live with in the future and have a family with him.
though i may not have the chance,i should learn to be happy and appreciate that we've been once tgt and have many HAPpy n memorable moments tgt....but still hoping theres a glimpse of hope to be tgt still :'(
i love him XOXO
he's very nice at times....
he's very funny though his jokes dont seemed to be funny...
he 's so charming when he sings with constipated expressions....
he farts alot esp when he wakes up
he 's cutest moment is when he just wakes up ....( just like tt hamster)
he can eat alot like a PIG...
oh yeah and he LOVES SLEEPING !!!!
he looks adorable in photos ...funny when he does retarded faces :)
he loves to disturb ppl....
he loves children and playes with them (esp teaches them to dig nose :) cute )
when he's serious he looks & sounds mature but he;s not =X
he's quite strong to piggy back ppl..
he's v sweet when he gets sth for u ...
he's so lovable when he hugs u out of no where.( misses)
he's a great kisser....horny too :X
he lives simple
he's great because he dont use the com esp DOTA..
there;s more but i have to stop ....
i just wish to rmb him this way .....not all the bad parts of him :(...
he;s just the type of guy i would wanna live with in the future and have a family with him.
though i may not have the chance,i should learn to be happy and appreciate that we've been once tgt and have many HAPpy n memorable moments tgt....but still hoping theres a glimpse of hope to be tgt still :'(
i love him XOXO
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
11:19 AM
11:19 AM
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
sometimes i've thought things through already ...but
i always end up at the starting point of just waiting for u .....
oh man ...left with barely less than 1 month to spend more time with u ...
but now we aint on relaly good terms..how can i see u more...
tt day if i left earlier to find u all i wld not be love drunk...
but i dk why u text me at 5 am not to come...u made it sounds so nice to ask me rest
but probably u just dont wanna see me eh ....
so much again i wanna say i miss and love u damn lot....
hmmph... I ;VE decided not to work first in case there are still chances to meet up during my holidays....
i always end up at the starting point of just waiting for u .....
oh man ...left with barely less than 1 month to spend more time with u ...
but now we aint on relaly good terms..how can i see u more...
tt day if i left earlier to find u all i wld not be love drunk...
but i dk why u text me at 5 am not to come...u made it sounds so nice to ask me rest
but probably u just dont wanna see me eh ....
so much again i wanna say i miss and love u damn lot....
hmmph... I ;VE decided not to work first in case there are still chances to meet up during my holidays....
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
2:10 PM
2:10 PM
Sunday, August 9, 2009
i thought it would be over for u n her..but seemed tt u dont really love me..because u knew i was sad abt it and still u say u're playing but u're still with her....yeah mb u're not really into me ANYMORE!!!!!!....i came home strt away i went to see her blog...!!!..i found out u're sick....so much i wanna meet u to care for u ..being beside u taking care of u ...but i cant....than i found out that u told her ( u working hard ) to save for UR future with her..he told me tt before too and its total RUBBISH !!!she says she will change for the better because of YOU ...if
shereally does,will u be true to her ......?
u're just hurting another gal if u're playing with her
because when i sms him if he really meant what he said to her....he said .say only cannot meh...!!! it means he;'s telling me he didnt mean what he said to her...but she's taking it seriously....whereas why are u telling me this when u wan me to forget u...!!! I DONT KNOW THE TRUTH ..because its rather contridicting....u telling me agn ..say for fun...but telling her ...oh its our future...blah blah blah....!!! u're sucha asshole so much i wanna beat u up right now.....but still the love overtakes the hatred....DAMN !!!
shereally does,will u be true to her ......?
u're just hurting another gal if u're playing with her
because when i sms him if he really meant what he said to her....he said .say only cannot meh...!!! it means he;'s telling me he didnt mean what he said to her...but she's taking it seriously....whereas why are u telling me this when u wan me to forget u...!!! I DONT KNOW THE TRUTH ..because its rather contridicting....u telling me agn ..say for fun...but telling her ...oh its our future...blah blah blah....!!! u're sucha asshole so much i wanna beat u up right now.....but still the love overtakes the hatred....DAMN !!!
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
3:14 AM
3:14 AM
Friday, August 7, 2009
what place am i in ur <3
one of my fav photo we took after the broke up ..!!!
one of my fav photo we took after the broke up ..!!!
its just another day......i was wondering what u were doing....i happened to go to his workplace today .....i didnt wanna go in but end up we went and i took a glance ard the shop..i cld not find u ....mb his gf went to have break with him or sth.....hmmph..nvm i should not think too much but i cant help it....i think u are tired of hearing all my nonsense...i;m tired of saying the same old things agn ..but i just cant keep it inside all these while...all these months after the break up...i've been ur spare tyre but i didnt complain....if we stayed over tgt ....the next day u just forget the night as u wont contact me much .....i didnt even mind....thinking you loved me all these while but perhaps....u 're just using me...? have u asked urself tt ...?
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
9:50 PM
9:50 PM
i need a shoulder to cry on now.....real bad....i've rmb this feeling 1 year back when he broke up with me..its back now....its really really painful...the urge to find him but know it will worsen things....
johnson just told me ..mb though he told me got feelings but now mb NOT...but dunno how to break the news to me.....yeah its true because if he love me he wld come to meet me tt day ...reply me messages....but all he didnt....i know he didnt wanna patch with me but i still tried my best to get him back...
i was just silly.....forgetting he was the one who left me..why wld he return ??
he just gave me many excuese but the fact is he just dont love me....right...? i cant wait to see him ...i really need to get all the facts right.....i need to hear it from his mouth.....
at this point...i've only left with 1 choice to let go ...
but u know i wont....i'm stubborn.i'm only hurting myself n making him hate me more...
crying day after days....hours after hours..but it didnt get better.......
i hope i'm better off dead now.....
johnson just told me ..mb though he told me got feelings but now mb NOT...but dunno how to break the news to me.....yeah its true because if he love me he wld come to meet me tt day ...reply me messages....but all he didnt....i know he didnt wanna patch with me but i still tried my best to get him back...
i was just silly.....forgetting he was the one who left me..why wld he return ??
he just gave me many excuese but the fact is he just dont love me....right...? i cant wait to see him ...i really need to get all the facts right.....i need to hear it from his mouth.....
at this point...i've only left with 1 choice to let go ...
but u know i wont....i'm stubborn.i'm only hurting myself n making him hate me more...
crying day after days....hours after hours..but it didnt get better.......
i hope i'm better off dead now.....
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
12:00 AM
12:00 AM
Thursday, August 6, 2009
wo duo xiang dui ni shuo...( wo ai ni )
i need to breathe.....i feel like texting him and saying all those stuff again ..but thinking twice....he would get more stress with his gf problem and mine..i guess she's sad that he didnt acc her home or sth..i know how she feels ....but if he does i wld be sad too....hai....i'm trying my best not to give him any stress or prob so mb for now i will just bear with all the sufferings.... :'(
i cant stop going to her blog ...but i can see though she's a player she likes him alot too....but i know i really love him much more than her...=X.... i rmb the first time he asked me to acc him take pay but i had test so i cant skip sch..but this time i foudn out he went with her...=X ...i bet he has met her mother too and they cab through n fro tgt....its very sad to know tt for me.....i dont wanna think what they do as in hug kiss.....i;ve thought through..i told myself its nth...they are stead of course nvm ar.....i told myself nth to be sad.....dont cry and be strong...but when i got home from west i cld not control any longer....if u were to ask me acc u for sth i wld be overjoyed .....even awhile ...
i was really putting a brave front just now at west......i use to be his gf stting there watching him play but now its someone else.....i just had to play and act per normal.....i got to peep at him though i know i cant..but i cant help it by looking at him.....he looks so happy when playing bball..he looks so serious when he plays .....its just himself when he's playing bball....he's not acting like someone he wasnt use to be....his gf was there i dk if she knows me but i know its her.....so much i wanna run away but i stayed because this is reality and i rather suffer so i cld see him a lil longer...
i;ve cried......and i dont feel tt bad because he didnt see the teears i've cried.....
i really love u but u're with someone else saying u love her too but telling me its for fun...?
confused everyday :(....
miss the times when we used to play bball tgt...tts the reason why i've been playing so much bball now......its partly b'cos of u....and myself....
i need to breathe.....i feel like texting him and saying all those stuff again ..but thinking twice....he would get more stress with his gf problem and mine..i guess she's sad that he didnt acc her home or sth..i know how she feels ....but if he does i wld be sad too....hai....i'm trying my best not to give him any stress or prob so mb for now i will just bear with all the sufferings.... :'(
i cant stop going to her blog ...but i can see though she's a player she likes him alot too....but i know i really love him much more than her...=X.... i rmb the first time he asked me to acc him take pay but i had test so i cant skip sch..but this time i foudn out he went with her...=X ...i bet he has met her mother too and they cab through n fro tgt....its very sad to know tt for me.....i dont wanna think what they do as in hug kiss.....i;ve thought through..i told myself its nth...they are stead of course nvm ar.....i told myself nth to be sad.....dont cry and be strong...but when i got home from west i cld not control any longer....if u were to ask me acc u for sth i wld be overjoyed .....even awhile ...
i was really putting a brave front just now at west......i use to be his gf stting there watching him play but now its someone else.....i just had to play and act per normal.....i got to peep at him though i know i cant..but i cant help it by looking at him.....he looks so happy when playing bball..he looks so serious when he plays .....its just himself when he's playing bball....he's not acting like someone he wasnt use to be....his gf was there i dk if she knows me but i know its her.....so much i wanna run away but i stayed because this is reality and i rather suffer so i cld see him a lil longer...
i;ve cried......and i dont feel tt bad because he didnt see the teears i've cried.....
i really love u but u're with someone else saying u love her too but telling me its for fun...?
confused everyday :(....
miss the times when we used to play bball tgt...tts the reason why i've been playing so much bball now......its partly b'cos of u....and myself....
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
11:06 PM
11:06 PM
i love you ,though i dont say it as often ,i hope u can see from my actions...
our love deserved another chance just like criminals get a second chance....
though i looked rather ugly in here....is very nice still.....i rmb we were not bf,gf ,but when i woke up the first person i see is you..asking me to take photo...thats so sweet ...
wo shi zhen de hen ai ni ....
no1 knows abt this blog so i doubt he will see this ...but i dont wanna let him see either because its like my diary....
i cant stop visiting the gals's blog.....though i know he keeps saying for fun or palying.....i know he just had a talk on the phone with her...:(.....actually sometimes i thought of just letting things be...but i cant because i'm only left with 1 month with him before he goes into army..and probably this will be the last goodbye for us ....as in if we meet we wld not go over the line....i know i love him more than his gf....i know i care for him more than his gf....i know i know him better than his gf.....but i cant be selfish..though he says he will break up with her if i want too...but i know he 's afriad of being lonely...he just wanna paly ard...but dont u know u are hurting me too...?
i rmb in ur phone u had this folder...( my ex) i was happy when i saw it...mb u will see our photos when u miss me... but is it still there..? i doubt so .....rmb the card i gave u for n level ....and photo .still in ur wallet??
alvin chua chin kiang....ur name is already a scar in my heart....i cant seemed to get it off neither do i wanna laser is off.....why cant u jus give our love another chance. if u said u had feelings?..
our love deserved another chance just like criminals get a second chance....
though i looked rather ugly in here....is very nice still.....i rmb we were not bf,gf ,but when i woke up the first person i see is you..asking me to take photo...thats so sweet ...
wo shi zhen de hen ai ni ....
no1 knows abt this blog so i doubt he will see this ...but i dont wanna let him see either because its like my diary....i cant stop visiting the gals's blog.....though i know he keeps saying for fun or palying.....i know he just had a talk on the phone with her...:(.....actually sometimes i thought of just letting things be...but i cant because i'm only left with 1 month with him before he goes into army..and probably this will be the last goodbye for us ....as in if we meet we wld not go over the line....i know i love him more than his gf....i know i care for him more than his gf....i know i know him better than his gf.....but i cant be selfish..though he says he will break up with her if i want too...but i know he 's afriad of being lonely...he just wanna paly ard...but dont u know u are hurting me too...?
i rmb in ur phone u had this folder...( my ex) i was happy when i saw it...mb u will see our photos when u miss me... but is it still there..? i doubt so .....rmb the card i gave u for n level ....and photo .still in ur wallet??
alvin chua chin kiang....ur name is already a scar in my heart....i cant seemed to get it off neither do i wanna laser is off.....why cant u jus give our love another chance. if u said u had feelings?..
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
1:19 AM
1:19 AM
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
i've gave up on counting because i know the answer in my heart...
actually i ;ve waited more than a year ...a year + 4 months?? so 2 days after that wonderful night we had tgt he was already with his new gal.....yeah all he tells me all day ( IS FOR FUN ONLY...PLAYING ONLY ) but telling her ( OH ITS OVER ME AND MY EX).....my gosh....i dnno which to believe...everyone thinks that i;m the one not letting you go ,only loving you....didnt u tell them u love me too???
last night was sucha disppointment...if u cared u wld come....if u cared u wld not leave me alone will all the blackies and shiver in the cold night....if u care u wld give up ur outing after work and come.....see what u say u like/love me doenst show in ur action dear alvin !!!
guessed who i saw today....ur gf with a bunch of ppl...i doubt she recognised me but i do ....i dunno how to descirbe the feeling..at least i didnt see u holding hands with her ..it wld be worst...!!
actually i ;ve waited more than a year ...a year + 4 months?? so 2 days after that wonderful night we had tgt he was already with his new gal.....yeah all he tells me all day ( IS FOR FUN ONLY...PLAYING ONLY ) but telling her ( OH ITS OVER ME AND MY EX).....my gosh....i dnno which to believe...everyone thinks that i;m the one not letting you go ,only loving you....didnt u tell them u love me too???
last night was sucha disppointment...if u cared u wld come....if u cared u wld not leave me alone will all the blackies and shiver in the cold night....if u care u wld give up ur outing after work and come.....see what u say u like/love me doenst show in ur action dear alvin !!!
guessed who i saw today....ur gf with a bunch of ppl...i doubt she recognised me but i do ....i dunno how to descirbe the feeling..at least i didnt see u holding hands with her ..it wld be worst...!!
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
12:02 AM
12:02 AM
Monday, August 3, 2009
6th day
ytd when i went to ecp...it reminded me of you again..when we used to go there every saturdays.....when i saw this couple cycling hand in hand i just wished u were there with me...forget abt ytd..
this morning i felt the worst worst worst feeling of all.....somehow ......ur current gf blog is linked to my friends...and it happens to be ur gf because it says heart alvin....u know when i saw a few post....it made me cry.....trying not to because i'm in sch but i cant help it.....i 've thought after tt day we met u wld not play with her..but after i saw this post where it says(but since you told me you and her are over..its okay )this is heartbreaking because u told u were PLAYING WITH HER AS U DONT HAVE MUCH FEELINGS FOR HER..BUT I"M DIFF .......which i;m suppose to believe...i know u met her ....whatever....nvm....but i saw the latest post ..what u are special..yes u are..but whats with the hell..dont you be mine too??...do u really love her or me...dont sweet talk to both of her and I ...
(edited) i just really love you lots...it pains me to see u with another gal telling her love stuff which i dunno if its true....though u say u have feelings for me...i'm aint happy why...?...because u are telling me but yet which some play gal.....ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS u know ...if u;re palying with her than good because if not , i know u wld end up being hurt because i know a lot....
ytd when i went to ecp...it reminded me of you again..when we used to go there every saturdays.....when i saw this couple cycling hand in hand i just wished u were there with me...forget abt ytd..
this morning i felt the worst worst worst feeling of all.....somehow ......ur current gf blog is linked to my friends...and it happens to be ur gf because it says heart alvin....u know when i saw a few post....it made me cry.....trying not to because i'm in sch but i cant help it.....i 've thought after tt day we met u wld not play with her..but after i saw this post where it says(but since you told me you and her are over..its okay )this is heartbreaking because u told u were PLAYING WITH HER AS U DONT HAVE MUCH FEELINGS FOR HER..BUT I"M DIFF .......which i;m suppose to believe...i know u met her ....whatever....nvm....but i saw the latest post ..what u are special..yes u are..but whats with the hell..dont you be mine too??...do u really love her or me...dont sweet talk to both of her and I ...
(edited) i just really love you lots...it pains me to see u with another gal telling her love stuff which i dunno if its true....though u say u have feelings for me...i'm aint happy why...?...because u are telling me but yet which some play gal.....ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS u know ...if u;re palying with her than good because if not , i know u wld end up being hurt because i know a lot....
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
9:05 AM
9:05 AM
Sunday, August 2, 2009
5th day...
i 'm really wondering why hasnt he text me yet...:( ...i seriously miss him and i really wanna go and find him after work today if he's working..or mb he;s out with his gf...i dk.....i'm trying to be happy...i really cant :(.....and today its sunday..the feeling is even worst..:(....heartache is really the worst pain ever......everyone has their love problems....how i wish i can be among the blessed couples.....i dont mind not having a status with you because all these while sometimes what we do its like couple but i'm not ur gf...but if we had a status tgt it wld be better....i dont have to care for u secretly........in public we cld walk hand in hand ....i dont want any rich bf,real smart,real goodlooking one....i just wanna be with someone ordinary...like you .....though u are ordinary.....u are unique because u make me smile like the way i always do from my heart...:) ...i've lost that smile since u left...i dont need you to treat me like all the other guys treat their gf....i just want u to be faithful with me and love me tts all
(edited) i dk why but i feel so angry now !!!!
and u know during these few months what we;ve been doing at times...i really wonder were u attached..? i really dont wanna accpet that u 've become a player...how can u say ( u still have feelings for me ) while being with some hongster ahlian shit...!!!! you are way much nicer than those players outside...or have u really turned into 1 of them ...? you say u are just playing with them....but see those mushy stuff u say or do it just turns me off....u dk how sad u made me feel when u play with other gals and still saying theres feelings for me....
i 'm really wondering why hasnt he text me yet...:( ...i seriously miss him and i really wanna go and find him after work today if he's working..or mb he;s out with his gf...i dk.....i'm trying to be happy...i really cant :(.....and today its sunday..the feeling is even worst..:(....heartache is really the worst pain ever......everyone has their love problems....how i wish i can be among the blessed couples.....i dont mind not having a status with you because all these while sometimes what we do its like couple but i'm not ur gf...but if we had a status tgt it wld be better....i dont have to care for u secretly........in public we cld walk hand in hand ....i dont want any rich bf,real smart,real goodlooking one....i just wanna be with someone ordinary...like you .....though u are ordinary.....u are unique because u make me smile like the way i always do from my heart...:) ...i've lost that smile since u left...i dont need you to treat me like all the other guys treat their gf....i just want u to be faithful with me and love me tts all
(edited) i dk why but i feel so angry now !!!!
and u know during these few months what we;ve been doing at times...i really wonder were u attached..? i really dont wanna accpet that u 've become a player...how can u say ( u still have feelings for me ) while being with some hongster ahlian shit...!!!! you are way much nicer than those players outside...or have u really turned into 1 of them ...? you say u are just playing with them....but see those mushy stuff u say or do it just turns me off....u dk how sad u made me feel when u play with other gals and still saying theres feelings for me....
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
1:17 PM
1:17 PM
Saturday, August 1, 2009
4th day ....
i was lucky enough to fall asleep ytd because i went swimming which made me very very sleepy...though now there's a smile on my face...it doenst mean i'm alright....every min,sec,hour is like you you and only you....oh my this is real *&^$%^&*(........i have not receieve any text from u either...but from ur friend...i heard that u really dont want??....i seriously know its the time and commitement .. u are afriad u cant give......or isnt u dont wanna lose the freedom u're having with the gals..?? i cant believe or imagine u getting and knowing gals through outside or sth...is like so unlike you like the past.....=(.....you know if i wait for u for 2 years....i really dont mind but i dont have the trust and motivation to do so ...because many of my friends who are older ....the guy tell them to wait for ns to end ...AND ...end up when they really waited ...the guy didnt keep his word......and as for i know,guys like to make empty promises ,tts why i wish i dont have to wait tt long...:(.....
i am willing to be there to wait for ur call ,fetch u whenever i can...enjoy the lil time we will have in the future....i know i may say i dont mind you not Accomapnying me....but i'm williing to try and adapt.....you may say i'm as stubborn like the past...yes i am esp in love...but things that are beyond my control...i will change..though i may not...but if it takes us to last....i will try my best ..
i was lucky enough to fall asleep ytd because i went swimming which made me very very sleepy...though now there's a smile on my face...it doenst mean i'm alright....every min,sec,hour is like you you and only you....oh my this is real *&^$%^&*(........i have not receieve any text from u either...but from ur friend...i heard that u really dont want??....i seriously know its the time and commitement .. u are afriad u cant give......or isnt u dont wanna lose the freedom u're having with the gals..?? i cant believe or imagine u getting and knowing gals through outside or sth...is like so unlike you like the past.....=(.....you know if i wait for u for 2 years....i really dont mind but i dont have the trust and motivation to do so ...because many of my friends who are older ....the guy tell them to wait for ns to end ...AND ...end up when they really waited ...the guy didnt keep his word......and as for i know,guys like to make empty promises ,tts why i wish i dont have to wait tt long...:(.....
i am willing to be there to wait for ur call ,fetch u whenever i can...enjoy the lil time we will have in the future....i know i may say i dont mind you not Accomapnying me....but i'm williing to try and adapt.....you may say i'm as stubborn like the past...yes i am esp in love...but things that are beyond my control...i will change..though i may not...but if it takes us to last....i will try my best ..
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
1:03 AM
1:03 AM
