3rd day...i'm back to school.....i'm, still living in self denial.....i dont wanna believe you have a girlfriend still.....i dunno who u have more feelings for...:( ...i cant concentrate all these while...i tried keeping myself busy and think of going out with friends and all but still i keep thinking ......if u really love me....u knew i would be sad if u keep playing ard with different girlfriends though not serious...why wouldnt u stop!!! mb u need company,u feel lonely but ...still.... ;( hmmph
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
9:32 AM
2nd day....my appetite got no where better....but gastric was coming so i had to eat.....felt better but sitll i'm not alright......sometimes i kept thinking what are u doing with ur gf when u said u still had feelings for me....will u think of me wwhen you're with her...?hmmph.....i rather u call me up anything u're feeling lonely rather than being a playboy who has many gals ard or short term relationships...it pains to see that you know.....after all people still say loving you is letting go but i really dont agree from the start till today....!!!.....like the song....bleeding love...i dont care what they say..!!!Im in love with you.......are u really considering.....? i really wish to you are...listening to all the songs in my ipod all just remind me of you....i'm trying not to msg u back because i'm afriad i might say the wrong things to u ...but deep inside i have lots to say ...but each time i see u .....i've gone speechless...XOXO
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
12:30 AM
DAY 1 waiting for a sign 29july...cant accpet reality u have a gf.. wc came over to help me out with the puzzle frame......few secs later i heard a news from him which made me stoood there and cry.....my heart felt so so pain ,i wish i cld stop it from beating for that moment..yes alvin got a girlfriend....my heart really sank.....last week we were just so close during that night ....and now its just !!!.....i cired non stop and realised he was outside my hse waiting for wc.....so i went out....i asked dunno why i let him see me cry and i said i know u have a gf already.....i kinda regret....because i know he hates to see me cry...but crying is my best talent i guess.....i cant stop my emtions and i guess i cant control them well.... he said that he wasnt serious in relationships now....its like few weeks,days.months than break up..it means .actually during the past few months he ahd gfs too which i didnt know and still acc him at times ....though this realtionship he's having he said wasnt serious but its still tgt ...the feeling i cant nv descirbe how hurt i was ...he said he can even breakup with her now or what....i asked abt why he doenst wanna give our love another chance... there were a few reasons....he doesnt have the mood to maintain a long term BGR, he's afriad we cant last and i' wld be sad....the feeling wld be different...........i know but why not give it a try....things might be better or worst we do not know.....i dont mind the time spent tgt...i asked why u can be with other gals but not me....the answer he gave was...because other gals are different they wont feel tt sad and cry whihc i wld be sad and keep crying.....this shows he hates me to cry which i know from the very start...but i cant help it still.....was it true because he doesnt wanna hurt me deeper.....fom all he said he's saying he still has feelings but just dont wanna be tgt.....i dunno if its true;..but i really wish he would consider ......when he grabbed my both hands...i felt even more emotional..staring straight into his eyes just make me feel the strong connection.....mb i over reacted and all i dont wanna force him into thinking or soemthing....or even being tgt if he really doenst wants...but still i will wait and wait.....after the breakup....i still cared....i treated him the same....i gave whatever he wanted from me.....i 've thought after all my sincerity and all ...we cld be tgt.....if he really loves me still ....i'm delightful...but knowing when both parties love each other....cant be tgt ..its really sad..though they say though both parties love each other they may not have to be tgt...but i really wish we cld.....we dont have to do things secretly and only occasionally....I can show my affections towards u anywhere and anytime...... i'm truly sorry ...i made a mistake ytd by comparing us to other couples around us..knowing guys hate to be compared......but mb i have to accpet reality that no matter how long i wait and all i do doesnt have and we cant be like other couples anymore.... i really hope all he said last night was true and not just because he wants me to go .....but am i the only gal he says alll this to...? what if his current gf is serious abt him.....i mean i cant understnad him being with her if he said he doesnt like her....there must be some love in it right...? the smell of him lingers ard my hands .....i really cant bear to see him go last night..because after so long i've confessed everything face to face...i;ve waited long enough...i've been single waiting for him for so long..now he's right infront of me i dont wanna let go... i wished i cld spend the days with him before he goes army..spent them with them when he books out and all... i just wanna say.....i will try my very best to let u feel that love can be long term agn though u dont have the mood too....i wanna make u feel confident in love agn...i hope i can be the one for u.....you can lie about anything but the heart doesnt lies...
i really love you ....you are my first and only love....
i really dont wanna let go ...happiness isnt letting go for me ....if that's what u think...
you wrong !!
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
12:16 PM
